Wednesday, September 27, 2006
(: 9:05:00 PM
cuzing too much trouble for lots of ppl...i dun want to,but i jus carn stop cuzing trouble for them...i open my mouth,not hurt some1,is send d wrong message or even kena suan...i go any action,hurt some1,either too rough or i dunno....i jus do d wrong things all d time!maybe its time to be zi bi,ya lidat wun hurt ppl wid my words anymore,or wid my actions...
(: 9:03:00 PM
my fault again
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
(: 9:30:00 PM
wad really matters?is there no other way?
Sunday, September 24, 2006
(: 9:45:00 PM
not a poem
the world darkened
the sky fallen
the plants dullen
the life...different
despair,depression,fate?
hope,dreams,real?
smiles,happiness,destroyed?
and the fault is mine
failure to do what i promised
failure to do what was right
failure to give u happiness
failure...to make u smile like u used to
lost your trust in mi
lost my confidence
lost ur warmth
lost...that beautiful smile of yours
wish to be able to help u
wish to be by your side
wish to make smile again
wish...for u to be happy once again
gave u trouble
gave u unhappiness
gave u nothing except...
memories u wont want to remember
if i could change the past
if i could change what i did
if i could know what u needed
if...i knew what to do
i would sacrifice...
i would exchange...
i would do whatever it takes...
just to make u smile and be happy again
i know a sincere apology isnt enough
i know i cant make u trust me anymore
i know that whatever i do now,it wont make a difference
i know...i dont deserve anything
and if the onli way that i can help u is...
to forget u and to not talk to u,or even to disappear
then i will do it no matter what it takes...
for your smile...your happiness...for u...
im...really...very...sorry...
written onli for u and for u onli...
Friday, September 22, 2006
(: 1:50:00 AM
nice game todae!captains ball!startin to miss it...even though it started bleedin again,but for d fun...it was worth it...seems like so long since i had fun n enjoyed it...listened to tui hou so many times,kept repeatin it...cuz not onli nice,but d song for wad im feelin now...sad song...doesnt seem lidat in sch rite?thank u to ELVERA again!for introducing tis song to mi!qing hua n yi zhi hen an qing also veri nice!thx!
sadness is sth tt every1 will no matter how fortunate or happy they r,will face...some ppl face it too much,while others...too little...it comes n goes so slowly,destroyin all or most of your happiness...wad can we do to have less of tis sadness?its almost impossible to have 0 sadness,but we lower d chances...
1.smile more...2.open up yorself,dun be too closed up,allow yorself to feel happiness...3.tink positively,though life is veri unpleasant,n filled with unexpected things,things tt will make u feel hopeless,tt u have no future...no!dun tink tt way,no 1 is perfect,every1 was made for a purpose,u have a purpose,u have sth tt u r gd at,maybe jus tt u haven realised yet...tink of things positively,n u will help yorself...4.trust yor instints,if u noe tt wadeva u gonna do is gonna cuz sadness,dun do it,but i noe tt some things still need to be done,no matter how sad or wadeva u will feel after doin it...but try to refrain yorself from doin it...5.well...im not really sure anymore,carn really tink rite now...
but if u get yorself into tis situation of sadness,forget d cuz of it,carn forget,try to get it solved,carn be solved,speak it out,write it out,shout it out,any way tt will make u feel better!dun eva keep it in u,u will not be ale to take it,jus let it all out...do not run away from it,face it,n try to solve it,do not allow it to affect yor studies or wadeva ure dointry yor veri best to get the feelin of sadness away as soon as possible,so d scar wun be deep,leavin u little or no memory of it...self pity isnt goin to get u anywhere,so slip out of it as soon as u can,n make others happy,by doin tt u will also be able to feel d happiness tt they r feelin...especially...d smile on their faces...really brightens up yor day...
though wad i wrote isnt sufficient enough,or u might tink it crap,i really hope it will help...
Thursday, September 21, 2006
(: 10:28:00 PM
really wish i could talk to u...feels so...out of place to not be able to talk to u...but its wad i have to do isnt it?really sorry it has to come down to tis...
wish i could write sth happy but...its gonna be awhile...but it will come...
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
(: 9:48:00 PM
really dumb n stupid doin it rite?but to mi at tt time,i felt i had to do it...n its worth d pain...no matter how much pain i feel will nv match d pain tt others felt...
wads done is done,now to finish d path tt i have n mus take...it will take a while,but no matter how long it takes,i mus...
sorry bout d awful sight,especially to ELVERA,sorry...to make u worry n feel irksome bout d sight...sorry to make u worry,n thx a lot...to every1 else too,thx!
its a scar i'll nv forget...
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
(: 7:26:00 PM
cryin can really help u let out all yor sad feelings...it really makes u feel better,though durin d process...an overwhelming feeling of sadness...it really helps...
sometimes pretending is jus too hard...too hard,mus let it out once in awhile,but after a while,hide it back again...hiding d sadness is really difficult...too difficult...
wish being direct doesnt have its bad points,but it has,even makin u lose...nvm...treasure d times tt i had...really,whether u believe it or not...best days of my life...thank u veri much...
really hate d things tt i do...looks like i have to go back to my sec 2 life?really hate it...but i tink i might have to go back...to be zi bi once again...so tt no 1 will eva get hurt by mi again...really,
should i?
(: 7:16:00 PM
18 september 2006...a date i wun eva forget...d day tt i paid for my mistakes...d day i relly regret,but its too late isnt it?wad i do carn really change anything can it?all my fault,alwaes a failure,either talk too direct,hurt ppl,make ppl sad...too many...im a bad person,not deserving of anything...anything at all...really im too much isnt it...
i will do it if really it helps u...im sorry it has to come down tis way...im really sorry...i shouldnt have even come into yor life,shouldnt have said those words,shouldnt even make u lose trust in mi...dun really tink u will believe rite?yup,ive made too much mistakes...i really wish tis mistakes were not made on u...im really really sorry...i own u too much jus too much...i carn be forgiven can i?so i ask of u not to forgive,but to forget,forget all d sad things...
im...sorry...
Saturday, September 16, 2006
(: 10:34:00 PM
im a mobile blogger,a diary,a punching bag,a thing to kao on wen u need it...anything u wan mi to be!jus name it!here to help u on anything!smiles alwaes!=D
365 days,8760 hours,525600mins,31536000seconds,i'll be rite here,a fone call away,a message away,to help u!but there's onli 1 thing tts needed to make tis work...n tt is...for u to ask for help!feel free to approach mi,n i promise i'll do my veri best to help,no matter how hard it is!not onli help,but also to listen,councel,anything...jus say d word...''help!''...n i''ll help!=D
(: 10:28:00 PM
FINALLY...back to blogging...missed it...waoh so many things have happened since my last post...but from tt day onwards,some1 really cheered mi up...other ppl too..but not as much...
thx!to every1,especially ELVERA...for brightening up my day everytime!
Saturday, September 09, 2006
(: 1:39:00 AM
now both of eyes...veri red already...keeps goin blur....
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
(: 10:21:00 PM
mum crazy bout my results...say shes gonna take mi out of ncc....looks like i will not be able to wear my uniform with the new rank on,not even for the first time...
carn go for today's bbq with our class....''thx'' dad...instead i spen my time doin hsework,swing my rank,watching tv....damn....wish i could go to bbq...other than to enjoy the food n company of frens,but to also njoy the sea breeze...wad i need most now...
Sunday, September 03, 2006
(: 9:47:00 PM
my right eye suddenly got problem...dunno wads goin on...
(: 9:17:00 PM
feels bad to be home...came back from camp today...i m now a staff sergent!with the landyard n all...though the camp was 1 n a half days,which to most ppl is gd,but to mi too short,especially in tis holiday...i'll rather my night at camp than home...
thot the camp was gonna be a strict 1,but to my surprise,it was a slack 1!the food was nice n plentiful,though we got lots of scoldings,i believe we all still enjoyed the camp...especially on the nite after our mutual test...woah bomb here n there,lame claps,wadeva claps,swar!claps,etc...i still rmb the other grp's thankin song...a b c d e f g,thank u s4 feeding mi...
my grp was scopio 2...too bad the five of us from our sch was spread between the other grps,so none of us were in the same grp...my grp PCs n APCs were a little pian jian towards mi...alwaes put mi last to take the test...n the last was the time tt every1 already done n heard so many times already,n were sick of it,the sir too...i doubt they even looked at my demonstration!but nevertheless,i still passed the tests,n pass out as a senior specialist...
those gurls hu joined ncc...woah,i take my hat off to u gurls...how do u gurls sit at diam position(no moving)all day long...n woah the usual high voices of the gurls...so low,jus like a guys'...
my last specs broke,dad scolded mi like hell...made lots of new frens...n every1 alwaes ask the same question wen they see mi...r u pure chinese?or or u eurasian?n somehow i look like their frens,some guy came up to mi n said he had a fren hu looked like mi,n also had the same name!there was a guy...woah...his snoring was like...thunder...but thankfully the slackness made tired enough to slp off the snoring...
wish u guys all the best...*gd day staffs*...to the sirs...i'll rmb yor words...''the rank is jus a piece of cloth,the landyard n rank can be bought again if lost...but 1 thing u cannot buy again...tt is respect from yor cadets...most important thing bout tis rank is to gain the respect from the cadets,n do it slowly...''dun worry sirs n mdms,i'll do my best,n pass down wad u guys taught mi n pass it down to the cadets...
need root beer again...damn...