happiness...memories...warmth

2009-11-07T21:24:00.002+08:00

many things are starting to happen again once school has started...many things have also come to my realisation...

wondering what it may be?well...sometimes letting people know about it is'nt gonna help....soi'll just let results show it...although i always say..."it's not about the results that matters more, but the process that matters most"...

certain things are starting to fall apart already...but on the other hand, other things are getting back into place already...

hais...u know...it really seems so contradicting that my blogs labels "happiness...memories...warmth" when the happiness in my blog is'nt really there anymore, while warmth....seems like a thing of the past already...while on the other hand...memories have still lingered...

still with all these things in mind...i of the goals of these blog is make her live up to her name.along with these goal comes along many other goals...just too many...too many...

the brain just seem to complex sometimes...wishing it to be simple at the right times would really be nice..

2009-10-31T22:20:00.001+08:00

"loving someone does'nt mean you have to be with them, but for them to be happy..."
this was what I used to say...but after that day...it seems like you were right...it lagged something....continuing my quest to give this sentence a better meaning to it

2009-09-09T23:52:00.000+08:00

although its been just a few days...I have beeen feeling really happy...just by having some quality time with ya lao po...hehe...really missed those times we were always going out...from bukit timah to some funny place...its had been fun...and now having been able to go out with ya for shopping(window) seems like reministering the past...its pure happiness...i'm glad you're happy too...let's spend more quality time with each other before work starts ya?=D
love ya...damn much=D

2009-09-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

"you would do anything for the one you love"...but...do not do everything for the one you love...
I'm saying this not for myself, but for those people out there that are affected by this.
I remember myself always saying this..."loving someone does'nt mean you have to be with them, but for them to be happy..."
Do not go overboard just for the love of your life...sometimes its better for your loved ones to just let them go...be happy for them instead of instigating all sorts of things just to be with them...reality is harsh...but sometimes...letting go...just seems to be the better choice...
again I say this is nothing to with me...i'm just transferring what I think to the people out there who are seeking for this answer...

2009-07-06T13:14:00.003+08:00

i carn control my anger...i dont know how its back again...it was never like that before...it started last year...but..i managed to control it...not its back again...i was never like that,never...every1 who knew me know it...

shes different...it might be the past adding up...

shes different...i must not let what others did wrongly add up and allow it out...shes different...its just coincidence its the same action the same way...

shes different...i must treat her even better...my feelings cannot be bothered...it carn work out like that with her...so it must be

2009-03-03T23:48:00.002+08:00

i'll be flying in just a few hours time...wuhan,hubei...study trip...will only be back on the 14th of april...for those few that still tune in to this blog of mine...this is a really important trip to me...

its a trip of self discovery,to find "me" back...its also with the utmost importance that...i make things improve...its just too important...

i know whats going on...and i hope with this trip things will turn out better...if it doesnt...then...the next move on this chessboard...i dont know what other checks will i have...if its a checkmate...all will be lost...

im sorry guys
im sorry for not heeding the advice
its time...

i cannot fail....

on a lighter note...
i will be back with lotsa pictures...and if all goes well...with some good news...
ure gonna be protected and sowered with the warmth that though cannot be compared to those of your family but...this warmth i hope will be able to tide you through...gotto to go now...off...for the chance that has been bestowed upon me...

2009-02-26T21:46:00.038+08:00

boo!

whats with that face?is like some1 poke like that=p

us=D

hehe...i just love every1 of her smiles...but this is more like a glee...

"i'm...lost!"

she said we look like going to the market!

look at hows shes standing

shes like hmm?and the other is like hehe again!

was taking this from the escalator when i tripped...domt laugh!

i forgot whats this place called..hehe creation of bears place...

rabbit!

got all 5 mos burger handphone key chains for her...well, almost all,the hotdog man from sasi

compare this picture with the 1 below

see the difference?=p

look at the picture upside down=p

o come on!im just pulling my socks!

the only other picture with me in it=(

"ARGH!!!!" "HEHE"

dont you agree she just likes sticking her tongue out...?

looks like couples dont they?

omg its true!indians' teeth is very white!

well a little better i suppose

opps a blurry 1...

o well...sasi is almost 1 _ _ _ _ taller=p

shopping...look like aunties right=pjust kidding!

mittens!but shes handcuffed which explains the hands in ha-du-gan shape=p

OOOOOOOO...=p

did you all know she has a very long tongue? started off with sasi getting that...=D

went to see the doctor with lao po today...got the influenza jab as well as the medication for the china trip...told you the jab wasnt so painful...hehe...after that, we went to PS to catch a movie with sasi,but it the sisterhood would have been complete with siti around,but im not sure for what reason she could not go...

went around PS while waiting for the movie to start...hehe enjoyed overselves and took quite a number of pictures!hehe...we caught the movie that won quite a number of oscars...SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE=Dhehenot bad...not bad...3 and a half stars from me...a touch of comedy with romance and a message bout the lives of the indians...not bad...guys u should catch it...

as for whatever that happened...i let the pictures tell bout the rest of our trip...=Denjoyed it=D

2009-02-26T21:27:00.008+08:00

lao po's other cake

cutting the icecreeam cake together=D

every1=D

her cake and her presents=D

us=DDD

back to blogging!been really long since i last blogged i know...have been eally busy you know...hehe but o well...I'M BACK!!!

first off LAO PO'S 18 BIRTHDAY!didnt have a camera so the pictures arnt with me except for this 1...surprised her with a icecream cake with sasi and siti to celebrate with her...please refer to my lao po's blog for the detailed happenings...im starting to like using photos to express my feelings...hehetake a look at this photo...love it...although it was suppose to a blur photo...but...it turned out quite surprisingly...

2009-01-14T22:21:00.002+08:00

things between me and my dad have started to take a turn for the better, i think...
well, after the talk that we had, and a short trip to the nearby coffeshop today with uncle mark the ang moh in the house,i guess things might start taking off in a better direction.i really hope things will be better...

thats not the highlight today...well...today, just 1 day before our 6th month anniversary, things happened, and ive finally realised how things are...not going into details, because it really hurts, but lets summarise it into 1 sentence...
"first 6 months, learning, rest of our lives, experiencing."

2008-12-27T10:16:00.002+08:00

christmas...a time for giving and sharing...but did u know it was also a time for being with your loved ones?

my christmas?it was with ncc...meeting in the afternoon and thereafter...with lao po baby...although it was short 1 hour at her house...but...well...it was worth it...=Dgave her the little present i made personally...a yellow and green house with a red door and roof...=D

the pictures will be uploaded soon so...wait for it to appear....

3 things u need to know bout the house...

1) its VERY fragile
2) its has in depth meaning
3) it was made purposefully

indepth meanings....well....firstly with this house...and the residents inside...2 pigs,1 hippo n a doggy...its my promise to give u a house...for now since ive mentioned it,i thot of letting u see it...so that...well u can feel that its there....the house wasnt very well furnished and inperfect...made purposefully,it signifies that no matter how inperfect our relationship might be, the result would be the happy family inside the house...so this i ask for u...no matter what happens,please...trust me...kay?and lastly,every single brick used to make this house...it isnt the same,be it the size,length...again it was made purposefully...letting u know this every brick = every step/part of our relationship is different...when laid out=our start of our relationship it will be shaky,cause the foudations are not set yet,but when the bricks have all been laid out...it would be strong....this is what im telling u...at the start...it will always swhaky...sometimes to the extent that it is almost collapsing, but please please stay on,hang on...it wont be shaky soon...it wont be...this wall needs both of us to keep it from falling...i need you...i really do...

2008-12-22T23:35:00.002+08:00

blood is thicker than water...i finally get to see it first hand...and i...hehe

2008-12-21T12:43:00.003+08:00

i know ive been away from this blog for a very long time...i apologise for it....just that so much has happened...from all aspects of my life...too much...

things that happened before comoon test will always be a memory that i will never forget...a place to learn from...for now the focus will be the future...surprisely many things have now taken on a new start...surprisely...

NCC Central has recently taken on a new chain of command...all the mess being cleared, and a new start for all of us...my grandparents mother's side...they have moved on and are going to get a new place to llive in...finally...there is 1 very very important thing...which is very close to my heart...in fact its residing in it...and that is my relationship with you...

so many things have happened between us...and im very sure it has really strained our relationship...in fact too much...things werent smooth sailing for us like it was at the side...i knew this was coming...nothing will ever remain this smooth...and its all my fault for letting this rough tides to hit us...even my apologies seem so...too common till it became just another word...it doesnt have any meaning anymore...the mess that has been created...like u said would have made any other original lady leave me...but...you stayed on...you...and i...we have not given up on this relationship because of the rough tides...we,i think i can say we...are staying on...because we believe we can get over it...and retrieve the good times,if not,make our own good and sweet times together....

promises i will keep, problems i will solve, feelings will be back, times will be smooth, love will be strengthened...all this i will never let go and forget...that sunshine after the rain i promised will come...and im not gonna let you wait any longer...

i wont be over mature anymore...to give you back the secureness...i will be the 1 solving the problems...so that u wont have to do it by yourself anymore...i understand all that u have been doing...i really do...

all the small thing everything that you do can never escape my sight, or my heart...you chose to change the subject everytime i went into talking about things so that i would affect the mood of the rare times that we were together, so that we would be able to enjoy the times...u sacrificed enjoyment your fillness of the stomach just for me to save money or even time...but just too much...you work on things yourself...because of all the things that ive failed to do...you dont wanna see another failure from me...so you chose to work on things yourself...even if you know...i can do it...but there is still a chance of failure so...there are just too many things...some overated but some...for the pure kind and caring heart that u have...

i admit...you now have totally relied on yourself....no more...nothing else is being relied on me even things that in a relationship that should be relied on the guy u have chosen to rely on yourself...i feel...useless...but what can i say?after all that ive failed in...how can i ask you to rely on me even in things that i can really do?i dont blame...i never will...

things wont be the same again...i dont care bout other things anymore....actually i have already done so...im gonna make things right again...and im gonna maintain it this way...no matter what happens...im gonna do it...uve suffered too much...too much...

ive finally understood what 2 teachers back in sec sch said to me..."you are gonna be a heartbreaker when you grow up"...i see why...

my family broken up, losing contact with friends, screwed up my ncc life, my studies, my own life,all for good cause...for the 1 person in my life...that is you...its all planned out...this my fate..."to learn when i fall, to pick what i left, to fix what i have,and to cherish what i had"

its gonna be a new start...no more overmature talks,no more thinking over the limits,fulfilling what i have to do an what i must...and to take good care and most importantly protect what i love the most...

fix, solve, protect everything....especially you....nothing else will change that...i WILL make you the HAPPIEST lady in your life...i swear with my heart...i swear...

love ya...=D

2008-11-04T21:54:00.000+08:00

sacrifices have to made for relationships to progress even further...i guess...it must be done...although...a lot...but it doesnt seem enough...its been my fault all these while...my dad disowning me...causing a lot of unhappiness in the family...my mum being even more worried n controlled of me...the worst is my dad...his temper is even worst...i see him taking it out on others...and after his worst scolding ever...his words hurt me so deep...too deep....we both left scars on each others hearts....but i know the scar in his heart is too deep to ever be healed...what ive done?brought unhappiness to both parents and lao po...no amount of apologies can tell u how sorry i am for all these troubles and worries ive brought u...but i will do whatever it takes to get rid of them...to live up to the commitment i once made..."to take away all your worries and troubles, and replace it with happiness..."

my family relationship is in tatters already, my achivements are no more, more problems are arising every single day...
yet...i refuse to give up on hope...whatever fate has in store for us...i'll face it headon...
yu guo tian qing...i believe in it...will u believe in it with me...?lao po?

2008-11-02T22:13:00.000+08:00

so many things have been happening...why does fate have to be like that...i guess its needed to improve things between us...i really hope it wouldnt affect

2008-10-19T21:04:00.000+08:00

lao po is falling sick already....really worried for her...guess it the stress from school ba...lao po lao po...must take really good care...i'll do my best to simplfy everything n explain to you so that u will be less stressed out...will...try to boli more herbal tea for u...and warm water every morning...will take care of everything for u de...dont worry bout it kay?remember to drink more water everyday kay?u everytime take a few mouths say take a lot already...i know u dont like it...dont have taste but...its good for u...i'll find some method to make it taste better...i dunno yet ba...o well...no promise there...lao po....take really good care...i love you=D

2008-10-19T20:39:00.000+08:00

15 oct our 3rd month together!as well as our 1st month *******=Dhehe...although it was a small celebration and i really regretted not being able to take pictures of the food!surprised lao po with a little gift and then brought her to CHOMP CHOMP!we had hokkien mee,stingray,osyter ommelette,chinese satay!and 2 BIG glasses of sugarcane....hehe...looks like i got all the correct stall for all the food,all except the stingray....the rest were...marvellous!DELICIOUS!=Dhehe...lao po only got high at the last part...hmm...something has been bothering lao po...sorry it was jus a small celebration...wished the semester didnt start this early,then we could have a more grand 1!really hope u can empty that bottle of yours...just empty it...let me take care of troubles n concerns...i know the first week's stress has started to attack you...but...i know it might sound contradicting to our class....but i will definitely help u with your studies...maths of course u naturally better so i have no say..but the rest i will definitely help u...simply put...i will help you with everything...

lao po...i know what u mean....and i understand u being not able to express everything with words...there no need to apologise...we will go through everything together...be it filled with words or actions...as long as its filled with love and happiness...we will love it=Dlove ya=D

2008-10-19T20:36:00.000+08:00

hais....my dad got beaten up by drunkards while he was working....those guys...really feel like killing them man...y bully my old man...carn they just leave my old man alone?thank god only a swollen eye and lips....

2008-10-19T20:23:00.000+08:00

sorry for the late blooging but...o well...better late then never!

sch has started already...looking forward to it every single day...of course other than the real reason which is i can be with lao po everyday!=pthe other reason is...bak to where i belong...i have always loved to go to sch since young...hehewent to sch with lao po...sent her to the block where she had her lesson before going off to the gym waiting for my lessons to start which means ard...5 hours later?hehe...had lunch with lao po before goin off to lesson n there is where i had my first disappointment of the week!homework on the first day!n its actually a little assignment,which needed to be presented the following mon!?o dear...although i woke up early in the morning just to wait for my lessons to staqrt in the afternnon but that cannot be compared to what lao po has to go through...waiting to go back together with me...n i end at 5!THANK YOU LAO PO!XIN KU NI LE!=Dhehe...all other things that happened as usual between the both of us...but i studied at lao po's house till later before going home....hehe..

2008-10-11T15:34:00.000+08:00

OMG!=Dtalked in the morning with lao po as usual...got aboout doing housework waiting for lao po to come before heading off to NP to get our books for the new semester...ehhem....hehe...got almost all our books real quick-1 more book we will have to get it next week...and headed off to AMK where we had a little chocolate(kitkat chunky!)and a bag of lays sour cream and onion...(the quality of the chips have deproved!)afterwhich we had our lunch cum dinner (dinch or lunner which ever 1 u wanna call it) at botak jones with 2 of my colleagues from goodwoodpark hotel banquet...hehe...during the dinner both sides didnt really talk to each other...it was really a little awkward...o well...different age groups?lol..anyways...send lao po home afterwards...went up to her hse to get the books sorted out before doing something....only u and i know=pbefore taking the bus home...=Dend of the day!haha...somewhat...i started to miss lao po the moment she left my side...o dear...how am i going to get through this last weekendd before the new sem begins!?

lao po...the fun that we had there and that thing that happened...i really dont mind le...although it was really making me real shy n all but...its all settled already....well....like u said we are together already...so it doesnt matter!=D(although i stilll carn get over it...but o well...just hope the ears dont get red when u mention about it anymore!=D)love ya!=D

2008-10-05T15:15:00.000+08:00

some overdued photos...=D

2008-10-05T15:13:00.001+08:00

''others before self''
''happiness of others comes before my own''

2008-10-05T15:13:00.000+08:00

''others before self''
''happiness of others comes before my own''

2008-10-05T14:57:00.000+08:00

lao po lao po...hehe....been through so much together....sometimes people really wish to have everything to go their way,or things to turn out like how they are suppose to be...well thats what most people want...i know you too lao po....im really sorry it didnt start like how you,every girl wants it to be-a sweet romantic wooing process...but...i'll make sure the end result...which is right now,us being together...will be the sweetest thing i could offer...even sweeter than the wooing process has to offer...=D

if i let you go
i will never know
how my life would be
holding you close to me
will i ever see
you smiling back at me
o yeh...how will i know
if i let you go...

i'll never let you go lao po...we will be stuck together with the love glue...which is actually the love that we have for each other...this feeling is what makes 2 hands look like just 1...joined together=Dlao po...i love you=D

2008-09-29T19:44:00.000+08:00

back from F1!working not there for seeing...hehe...all deaf and beaten already...the cars sure are deafening man....and they sure can ''fly''!crash crash crash....the cars crashed so many times....ran over a guys leg and almost hit another guy...ai seh...they gonna be working with them!o well...ferarri almost won but too bad about the cock up between the teams doing the maintenance...really took off precious seconds of the clock man...wasted...hehe...anyway enough bout F1...going on to more important matters....and that is...LAO PO!=D

could go home with lao po on the second because the taxis they provide have to go by areas that the part timers are staying....sorry ar lao po...hmm....we were in different suites and they were on both ends of the level...so really kinda seperated...but nonetheless...we still found time to go see each other....lao po...thanks for helping to cut the fish into pieces while i was out helping them have way during my lunch...=Dthanks=Dwas really worried that lao po would get injured during work as she is so much scepticle to injuries than many people ...even more than me!good thing she was quite careful...but was really worried when she injured her wrist...and her legs...guess shes still not used to working in this kinda line...hop ure feeling better now...especially when u fell ill during the week of F1...hearing those heavy coughs...i feel really guilty that i didnt take good care of you...really sorry about that lao po..really sorry...even with the barley and preventing you from having those cold drinks and making you drink more water still did not help much...really hope you get well soon....i feel really bad not able to get what you like...and unfortunately, they are the things that makes your cough worst...so get well soon kay?

really sorry about that being able to go oout with you today...my family condition is really getting worst...my dad ignores me now...and only grunts as a reply to my questions....my mum...scolds me and questions me a lot....sorry bout that...will really make it up to qing ai de...really hope we could be together 25 hrs a day everyday...but its not quite possible...but i will do my best de lao po...i promise...lao po...i really really really cannot get you off my mind even for 5 mins...i love ya=D

2008-09-23T21:16:00.000+08:00

so many things have happened...too much...lao po...really sorry bout today...the promises will be kept...hehe the next time it happens will be the day our baby is born...so many years ahead....=Dreally really really really really love you lao po...theres not much i can say bout today already...it is to be kept out already....the star was really bright today lao po....really very bright...=Dcheers to happiness forever=D

2008-09-16T13:53:00.000+08:00

W.A.M and nothing is gonna change that...=D

lao po surprised me ystd....really shocked sia...but nonetheless was happy yet a little not happy at the same time...happy because u actually did such a thing unhappy because u waited so long....i dont like to keep u waiting...im sorry bout letting u wait last times but i really still dont like to let u wait...so dun do it again kay?nonetheless im happy that u did=D

after the surprise we had our lunch and went somewhere of great importance both to people as well as to us...we did something there that is usually not done by people at this time and it was of really great importance to us...so important that that nothing else matters already....lao po...everything said and promised there will never be broken...our fates are sealed together le...nothing shall seperate us...nothing...W.A.M!!!!!!!!!!!=Dthe rest for only us to know about....hehe=DI LOVE YOU=D

2008-09-13T16:50:00.000+08:00

my heart is really aching!!!once i heard uve injured your leg i literally jumped out of my seat n gave u a call...after that i really couldnt concentrate in my class anymore...i left half an hour earlier...really could bear...i wanted to see u badly see how bad the injury was....heart was racing...mind was in a whirl....then few hours later...when i heard it was quite a small an injury...i thot to myself...such a small thing got me into this state...what would happen if it was a big thing?this was how much lao po,u meant to me...although small to you...but big to me...lao po...u must really take good care of yourself when im not by your side...ure really so prone to injuries...u must really take good care...i'll try to be by your side ever single hour but its not that possible for now...so...please take good care?i will protect you with my heart but other than that u yourself must take care not to allow yourself to get injured....alrite lao po?

2008-09-12T21:37:00.001+08:00

mooncake job for the whole of few weeks...finally over in a blink of an eye...i thot i would always miss a job..but i guess im not missing it...other than the times lao po n i had as well as the people there!our sticker company manager!lol assistant manager...really hate mooncakes already...seen,touched and smelt too many of them already!haha...

we packed mooncakes, pasted stickers, folded boxes,made deliveries...hard work!haha...well...all these we did together lao po and i...although on many occasions we had to be seperated due to me being sent off to make deliveries...the feeling really is lousy and really spoils the mood...but...looking forward to seeing lao po after the delivery makes me go on...=Deven got cookies from famous amos for lao po on 1 of the deliveries as a little bu chang to her...though its not much but its the least i could do...=D

the times that i look forward to even more are the times we spend together at the playground till 3 a.m in the morning...the things we said and done...really memorable...=Dhehe...especially when u start saying things things that u dun even rmb u said!?=pi will always remember those words...

lao po...i might be talking less already but that doesnt mean ive changed or anything...its because ive now gotten more things to think about, care about,i need to make loads of decisions small n big here n there...so ive become steadily quieter...i hope this doesnt affect things between us...as u have known..i always think of things many years ahead....and im also planning for both of futures...many concerns...so this is the bad point that has to come in a relationship...i'll try to speak more,to accompany you to talk as much as possible...the rest i hop actions will tell...=D

i know ive mentioned bout there are things that do not alwyas go by the way we want them to,or for the result to be like u perceived but...i will adapt de...thats what it is about relationships...adapting into each others lives....and i will do it...for our relationship's sake...=D
ive to get used to the silence...u do not need to change for that....maybe this way we can really adopt the telepathy thoughts way...where we know what each other is thinking without saying a word....maybe it will come down to this 1 day...

time is going really very fast when we are together and believe it or not...its 2 days to our 2nd month together...too fast...i really wanna spend 25hours together with u every single day if u get what i mean....lao po...i really dun wanna miss even a single second not being with you and if its really possible...i would actually do it...but no...its always that fair...and being apart from each other would make us cherish each other even more...i really really do love you a lot lao po...too much...my heart really yearns for you right now...so much...soo much

2008-09-07T15:25:00.000+08:00

the stars that night seemed extremely near that night...that night we were in the playground...the night we slept under the stars...when i looked at u as u slept...i felt so peaceful...i really felt so much love for u...lao po...when i kissed your forehead i made a promise to u to take care of u forever...i really wanna make sure that everytime u sleep u would have the same peaceful look on your face...the same happy lao po that i knew...i promised to make u the happiest lao po, n i will stick by it again...the times we were together...short 55 days together and we have been through so much together already...cried together..braved the rain,watched the stars,fought the sea literally...ive been stupid...trying to be somebody...that person that u saw during ncc work any other places...im never gonna do that anymore...im gonna face u every single time using ME...im gonna let u be able to say yes...i know u...n not everyday ure somebody...lao po...we have both fallen too deeply...so deep...so deep...i really love you lao po...i really do...the feelings are as we have said...goin stronger by the day...n as u are in malaysia right now...my heart really aches for u...it really does...the promises that hangs on my neck...the scars on my forehead....all reminds everything that we have done...even if my family really breaks apart now my whole life comes crashing down like the waves...i will still be strong...for i know...that you always be there...for u...everything is possible...for u...everything seems worth it...and for u...i will do it...nothing else matters anymore....only...your happiness...the stars in the sky...they are not enough to match all the reasons to why i love you so much...i ran out of them before i even came close to pass the starting of the reasons....u really mean a lot to me lao po...u mean a lot...theres only 1 thing i can confirm will never change bout me...n that is how much i love you..no matter what happens...no matter what happens...i will love you

2008-09-07T15:19:00.000+08:00

dad is really disappointed with me...so much so that he has given me up already...he does'nt acknowledge me anymore...not even talk...mum...can really tell shes disapponited yet at the same time, trying to help me...this family is really breaking up...i really don't want it to happen...i really want to keep it together...yet i have made too much mistakes already...even to u lao po...ure family to me already...the last that i can really be with already...i swear i'll do my best to save this family...earn money to support family n u lao po...give u all the care n concern...i swear...

2008-09-07T15:06:00.000+08:00

grandma...y do u have to go through so much suffering???parkinson's disease isnt really the main cause of your suffering...but yourself...y cant u allow yourself to relax???y???in a moment notice u can just become well,when ure in the hospital taking the same medicine u can be well the whole day...not only once but all the time...so many times already...so many shows that u can actually be well on your own...yet y do u choose to let yourself suffer???i know we al know u can...thats y dad scolds u thats y every1 cares...but when u dont let yourself relax...its making every1 frustrated...im not...but every1 is already...especially dad...he has sacrificed most entertainment a proper job frens,loads of things to be there for u just in case anything happens....yet...im not blaming u grandma...i really just want u to allow yourself to lead a better life...every1 can help u...but if u dont help yourself first...we cant do anything at all....ah ma...we really love you no matter how stubborn u may be...we want u to enjoy your life before u join grandpa in heaven...we want u to be happy...and it really hurts to see u suffer especially for a decade already...u have become so thin...we are really hurt to see u like that...hais...ah gong i heaven...please bless ah ma to be allow ah ma to not suffer anymore n enjoy the years she has...we really want her to be happy...i really do...

2008-08-25T22:41:00.000+08:00

LAO PO!!!by the time ure reading this i should be at the camp le...im starting to miss u le...while 1'm away...i know u have promised but just a gentle reminder....incase im not able to talk during camp....lao po try not to get yourself injured or have any bruises kay?everytime i see a bruise on your i feel a little pain...pain that im not there to prevent u from getting even such a tiny bruise...so please take care kay?drink loads of water...your lips skin are always do dry...u need more moisture...i will drink more so u too kay?u must remain healthy so please remember to eat kay?all 3 meals...at least eat a little if ure full...but please eat no matter what...remember to rest early or when ure tired....ure body is a little weaker than most people,no offense but ya...please rest when u need it kay?its the holidays so dun push yourself to hard on anything kay?your gums are always bleeding so remember to brush lightly and drink loads of water n eat fish to help in blood replenishing kay?your hands...dun keep rubbing your eyes!its really not good for your cornea so dun rub it kay?n least try not to...

this few days it has been raining a lot so remember to put on your blanket when ure sleeping kay?i'll give u warmth in spirit but in body only your blanket can help u...if anything happens...do not hesitate to call me or drop me an sms....this camp is a fun camp so im more free to pick up the call...i'll at least give u an sms every night...lao po...if u carn get to slp or something is bothering u...just look outside of ure window at the skies,hold our rings and think but us...i'll feel it and look back at the sky...i'll be with u in spirit heart and soul...no matter what...lao po...im so sorry that i carn be there in person for this few days...

1 last thing...u will be on my mind every single hour min and sec...i'll always have u in my heart and i'll tell u bout my feelings to the u in my heart...hoping that u can hear it...so if u hear things from your heart...u will know its me de...for all things...and all others....i wanna let u know this...that no matter what happens...anything that comes between us...any problems that arises...no matter how many mountains and oceans we have to go through...i will always go through it with you...i know its just a simple camp n all that ive written is as if im leaving for a long time...but even a day without you seems so long and empty already....so lao po...pardon me for the long post but...i really just want to let u know is that....

I REALLY REALLY REALLY HONESTLY DEEPLY TRULY SINCERELY LOVE YOU SO MUCH,I REALLY DO...be back soon!cya soon lao po...muacksssssss=D

2008-08-25T21:11:00.001+08:00

a lot of things have been happening lately...especially at home....n im really sorry that ure affected by it lao po....really sorry bout it...but i promise that i will settle it soon...it will take quite some time before its settled but...please give me some time...im also really sorry for saying that sentence to you...i know it really hurts but it was really how i felt...but now...against all odds im gonna change all that...everything will be done for u de...i will never betray this trust u have in me de...before feb next year things should change le...trust me on this ba....=D

lao po and i went to chinatown to submit our contract,thereafter we went to bugis to settle her contacts as well as my photos...104 of them!?luckily ure degree didnt go up...take of your eyes kay?stop rubbing them!we went to grab some long john silver's food...haha...i sure love them even more...especially the cheese!better than all others!hahawent to purchase my slippers after that...my current ones already has 2 big holes!i can always feel the floor everytime i walk with them!?

i left my ring with lao po...its there like a part of me...to be there with you till i come back from camp on thurs...i sure will miss u when im there....rmb...look up at the sky at the stars at night....for i will be there looking back too=Di'll be in your heart always...

haha...lao po...i will always remeber the conversation we had till almost 3a.m this morning...even if u dun remember it...dun worry....it will always be in my heart...not for any1 elses ears...=DI LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD!!!=D

2008-08-18T20:51:00.000+08:00

last paper today....did practice but i guess...it really wasnt enough...i know that...sorry lao po...not gonna score very well le....
im really sorry for letting u see it today...u hate seeing it....sorry ar...seeing u so worried really makes me sad....i wun let u worry bout me getting injured again....i really love you lao po...i really do

2008-08-16T20:49:00.000+08:00

OUR RINGS!!!HAPPY 1ST MONTH LAO PO=D 15/08/08

eltech paper today!eg1 paper on fri...dont wanna mention bout them anymore ba...all that is left is the engmec paper!

for this few weeks....there is 1 person i must really thank for spending time revising the modules with me...and that is....LAO PO!=Dthank you lao po!thank you soooooooooooooooooooooo much!i promise i'll get my results up and then i can finally let my parents know that we are together...dont wanna hide our relationship from any1...especially my parents...your parents have seen me already...its gonna be your turn soon!=D

went to lao po's house yesterday to study...first time formally allowed into the house...lol...lao po...ure family is so fun to be with!especially your mum!lol...love your hamster...n i really think u should get your rabbits cage cleaned out!lol...it smells ''nice''...lol...

sorry for the robot actions...lol....a sudden invitation to eat with your family...my in prompt tu skills cannot cope with this...lol....it would be more natural next time...=Dif there is that is...=D

love ya lao po!even more so...after u answered that question at the library today...believe it or not...i was really gan dong...haha...though the answer was really unexpected...but it proved loads of things...n for that...i cannot thank you enough...n it makes me say this again...u are really a really good lao po...i finally understood that voice's meaning....and im glad it came through...I LOVE YOU=D

2008-08-13T22:18:00.000+08:00

lao po....u changed me so much...i can never thank you enough....but at the same time i can never apologise enough....i know you do not want me to apologise...but please allow to...just a single minute....

i'm sorry for letting you worry...i'm sorry for letting your tears flow...i'm sorry for not concentrating on my studies...i'm sorry for not being there to prevent you from getting injured...i'm sorry for not being to get rid of troubles yet...i'm sorry for being someone new for a certain period of time everyday...i'm sorry for being so rough...i'm sorry for being so commenting...i'm sorry for every other things that i've done or not done in anyway to help you or not help you...for all these...i'm really very sorry...

things will change...i know you dont really mention about it...but i know whats going on...the change will come about...and i'll make sure you can answer the question to ''do you know who exactly am i''with this...i promise...

that feeling is still there...i really...hais

2008-08-13T22:15:00.000+08:00

too HIHS NCC...sorry for the scolding session but it had to be done...to save your unit my unit our unit...to make it a better unit...like ive said it just now...we work to achieve gold for best unit competition...if we ever do....i'm not gonna say its my effort that got the school this award...but YOUR effort...the WHOLE unit's effort...it isnt and has never been a 1 man show...it has always been the whole unit's effort so keep improving guys....i know none from our unit will see this post but...in spirit...i hope u guys know...

2008-08-13T22:12:00.000+08:00

absence keeps love going
presence keeps love moving

absence keeps love where it was left off while presence moves love but towards more happiness or sadness that depends on you....

make a choice...the world is fair...every single choice u make has its pros and cons...so find the better one...

2008-08-10T15:35:00.000+08:00

whats worst a feeling than not being able to do anything or help in anyway and seeing your loved ones suffering...?the feeling is really really very bad....and to be able to feel it multiple times makes my heart hurts a lot...I'm sorry for the times when i really could'nt do anything...i'm also sorry for the times its not enough...and i'm even more sorry for allowing them to happen...

worst things come when appear whether u like it or not...

the feeling is growing again...the feeling of something wrong...

2008-08-10T15:25:00.000+08:00

went to sentosa with lao po for the gathering with the F.F grp...there was to be a surprise for jiajie and shi rui both wanting to give each other a birthday surprise...eventually they did, and it was quite fun...lao po was queit to begin with...o well, strangers of course will be queit....make a doubleheart for her on the sand....hope she loved it...

went to meet sasi to get lao po's eltech papers back and went home after that...thanks lao po for sending me back...was late for dinner already....

hais....still cannot find a way to express it...dont know why...

something is wrong...and i have no idea what it is...

2008-08-05T20:57:00.000+08:00

HAHA!went to sentosa with lao po today!=Dstarting....guess lao po wasnt warmed up yet ba....she was a little quiet...but when we got to the beach....WOAH!both crazy!especially when we were in the water!=Dhaha...details other than the failed sand castle...secret=phehewas building a sand castle halfway when the tide suddenyl rose so high...we built a little break water, but after a while it couldnt last...we tried to save it....but to no avail...o well...lol....
lao po...the sea was really against us sia...nvm...we will beat it 1 day!=Dnot gonna reveal anymore details...but it will be our hearts de....so...
HAPPY 3RD WEEK LAO PO!SOOOOOOO LOVE YA!!!=D

2008-07-29T22:10:00.000+08:00

went to bukit timah hill today for our 2nd week together!=Dhaha we really sweat it out today....n regarding what happened today at our SPSS....well....dont mind me kay lao po?sorry ar...let u see the other side of me...n u said cute somemore...oh my god...lol...red until like that cute?lol...and...thx for the ''gift''today...its very precious...will remember it de...29th july 08 u gave ''it'' to me....lol sounds weird right?lol dun think dirty ar....=Dwill treasure it de=D

on the 22th lao po n i went to macritchie to celebrate our first week together!lol weird right?!our celebrations all at weird but special places...unique!=Dwhat was done or said...secret between us=D

really learnt a lot of things together sia....the times we were together really helped made me a better person...helped my schedules and responsibilities to be done...almost on pace with the current pace le...helped me grow fat too!lol...all thanks to u=Di know u grew fat too sorry ar=p

but really...its very different being with u...we did n broke many of our first times together(dun think dirty!)u gave me strength when i was weak...u made me feel....alive again...i so happy i fell into your love trap...n i really hope i can never get out of it...=Dthanks lao po...really thank you for everything...for being u=D

HAPPY 2ND WEEK LAO PO!=D
I LOVE YA!=D

2008-07-20T21:41:00.000+08:00

almost lost u today dear dear...i was really so worried...plz dun apologise again...its me that should apologise...i wasnt there to help u when it happened...i know its impossible for mi to be there all the time...but i will try to be there as long as possible...we will save our money today for as long as possible...we will tide through this crisis together de...dun u worry...as ive said it before...go through thick n thin with u...I LOVE YOU...Hwee Ping=Dmore than anything else in this world...=D

2008-07-16T21:56:00.000+08:00

really worried but...dun worry will do my best to help u de....just tell me no matter how small it is...i really felt different as u said it...feels like the heart has became so heavy...so to have made u worried bout me im alrite le!

i really couldnt bare to let go off your hand...u are too precious le...hand in hand we will help each other along the difficult times...never to let go=Dno then i really can say i feeling what i made this blog for...HAPPINESS...MEMORIES...WARMTH=D

ILOVEYOU=D

2008-07-15T23:17:00.000+08:00

THE END OF INTRODUCTIONS...AND THE BEGINNING OF A CHAPTER...
15 07 08 together at a weird place, weird time weird circumstances...but i love it!

the heart is healed and whole again...the doubts all answer and cleared...the happiness...back and warm again....the world has now become the so bright and full colors that i just cannot believe it!

too good to be true!but as i held your hand...i knew this was not a dream not just fairytale...but the truth,reality...for i have waited for this day,kinda earlier than expected or shall i say planned but....WHO CARES!WE ARE TOGETHER!!!

no more 24 days no more special dates...no more fake ''DATES''...no more anything...there is no need to hide anymore...no more underground le!together!!!!!!!!!!!happiness....

everything was weird...haha...but at that special place at 10.10...i will always remember it...too good to true....I LOVE YOU HWEE PING!=D

2008-07-14T19:08:00.000+08:00

25 more days...to 08 08 08...im really looking forward to that day....

hmm...
too good to be true eh?o well...its not dream its reality!it really came through....looks like we had to go through it before we could end up like this...thank you for being honest with me...managed to get all my doubts settled already...nothing to hinder us now...nothing...rain or shine,thick or thin, no matter what happens,i will be there with u...=D

the heart has finally healed,it is whole again,thx to u...i really appreciate that...although its really too good to be true...i really still carn believe it even as i write this post...if this was a dream i would never want to wake up from it,reality well...i really wish it would last forever....FOR YOU...I WILL...u brought my heart back to life...for that...no amount of words could express my gratitude towards u...rest assured....for those 3 things...i will abide by it...but only base on circumstances...=D...IRSILWY=D

2008-07-10T22:33:00.000+08:00

so many things have been happening this week!been so damn busy...NDP proposal,NCC,work, tests,retest,french class,guitar class,homework,surveys,project,family,injuries!argh!....sure is 1 busy week....
but manage to squeeze a little time out to have dinner with her on tues and today...1st day was fun!haha pizzahut and then earthquake at swensons,with a very special order...water with chilli sauce,pepper,and salt i think?lolit had rice bits in it...we were wondering what it was...till she found out...lol...hahanot bad...those cherries sure very hard to tie with the tongue...so we had to drink the dare which was that special order...haha...at least we shared...=Dtoday...well...other than the hot zones...well...we went to somewhere much more quieter n had dinner followed by a drink (not dessert!)haha...then we both went home...any details in between...u wanna know...hahahappy guessing!but not what i think u all would think!haha=p

2008-06-26T23:49:00.000+08:00

sorry ive been away for so long!really busy and so many things have happened...will write it down if my memory comes back...recently had a bbq with 4 diligence 08 at east coast!haha on the 22 of june...well....guess we enjoyed ourselves?jus kinda weird now....all like not really so close now...but thats expected...well,too bad the others couldnt come... really had to bargain to really be able to go for the bbq...

today i got back the other result for the ENGMEC results...crap another failure but tis 1 waas because of careless mistakes OMG!ELTECH fail now this too!hoping tomorrow's paper would bring good news...worked hard for it?

after sch went to AMK hub to wait....was suppose to go running but they just finished their exams so we went to eat instead had a chat then they accompanied mi to wait for the bus...thx eh!=Dsorry for the bad mood...n the sighs...its was fun!thats when i went hom n andy told mi on msn he saw mi with 2 gurls...lol...guess he saw mi from the bus...haha...they r jus colleagues!dont think too much...haha=D

2008-04-28T20:33:00.000+08:00

today was a very meaningful day for me...a really meaningful 1...after sch ended aat 12 today i rushed over to NCC HQ to attend Delta day camp...Delta actually stands for the sch that went there to participate...Delta senior sch i tink....they r a grp of special ppl...although a little different from every1...this grp of ppl really touched my life...
they came to the HQ for adventure training..which involved them in doin wad even every1 would tink is difficult to do...n the best thing is they managed to do it!im really pround of them...that really showed that no matter wad problems they have...they still can overcome challenges...i really felt honoured n lucky to have gone through it wid them...to see them cry cheer,n struggle to do the obstacle courses...n also to be able to see their happy faces...i felt really contented....i dun mind helping them time n time again.,...
to be able to hear them call mi sir, kor kor,uncle,teacher n to hear how polite n how they perservered really made mi feel really proud of them....although they were 18 but due to a problem their minds r defaulted to a yound kid...tis ffault really makes mi sad,n it makes mi consider bout sth ive alwaes considered...

although my ambition is to join the armed forces,but ive alwaes had tis consideration bout being a volunteer in helping ppl...after being wid them for jus a few hours...im seriously considering on wad i wanna be...

but anyway i really made loads of new frens today!n im really proud of tis frens...i really liked being wid them...i dun mind spending all my life wid them,helping them...

i really hope i can see them again...for such simple acts really cld move my heart...god bless them

2008-04-15T21:28:00.000+08:00

IM BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!sorry for being away so long...been busy for so long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
work,sch,ncc,family,etc so many things n so little time...so much had happened...somehow my memory has been failing mi...ive been forgetting so many,too many things....onli can bring up the recent things...

55th COC !syndicate 1 adamantium!jinglepak!!!!!!!!!!!!best syndicate n the most happening 1 ard!at least thats wad i feel...great course great ppl...even better on POP nite...the last day...
although the dance got interrupted,didnt complete it...but it was a real enjoyable nite....miss tis course for life man!now i got to help in the news letter jus cuz i said the speech! ar...first time my dad was proud of mi being in NCC...especially wearing no.1 and getting the syndicate best...first time man...

start of poly...got hw already!got lost in sch too!lol...so many things happened...jus carn rmb although it onli happened jus awhile ago....sigh...wads with my memory!

2007-09-09T20:18:00.000+08:00

been long since ive been here...so much has happened...life still has to go on...preparing for prelims now...heard a crash sound n wen to look...an accident...clear misses between a car n a taxi...looks alrite from here both drivers able to get up n talk...memories start to well up again...

if things were meant to be like that then fine...but y again n again failure is d onli answer...is there no other way?i know the ending...jus dun wanna admit...can it be d onli ending to expect?is it...over?maybe...but i still tink...
its not over...

2007-09-02T22:03:00.001+08:00

its not over...

2007-08-25T00:02:00.000+08:00

gabriel goh...an outstanding student as well as an outstanding venture...he was a very dedicated person,who does'nt give up easily...in terms of running especially...the times u had together,during camps,being a psl,as a fren,the time wen u helped in teaching mi how to ride a bike,the time wen we cut bamboo...will alwaes be remembered...alwaes in my heart...an outstanding person...it jus isnt fair...u wen to fast...even now i really find it hard to believe...but its true...dun worry gabriel...we will by running in yor name for the standard charted 10 km run that u wanted n trained to go for...u will alwaes be remembered in our hearts...alwaes...rest in peace

2007-07-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

finally back online...my com switch caught fire...was told wen i came back from work at istana...crap...how did it happen!?well...at least its fixed already,n even a faster internet connection...finally man...i used to be d slowest...now...well...still not d fastest...
thanks a lot to every1 that helped mi get that special thing!THANKS!n sorry bout everything...everything ive caused...o well...guess no1 reads tis blog anymore...i understand y...so i jus talk talk to myself ba!

2007-06-27T20:05:00.000+08:00

LOVE IS IN D AIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!be it 1 tiny little sms,or jus hearing d person's voice,or even us that person's smile...love sure makes them perfect in yor eyes!!!!!!!!!she sure is perfect in my eyes...=Dwishin she could jus be jus as happy everyday...that she wouldnt be bothered by anything else...that she be d happiest person in d world...she deserves better...much better...SMILES=D

2007-06-27T20:00:00.000+08:00

concert today!!!!!!!!!!WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Styles From Beyond totally rox!!!!!!!!!so did d contestants!!!!!!!!!linda,big sis camille,nicky....n d HI Idol....Sulasteri!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!congrats to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-06-27T19:56:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!nice expensive cake u asked for hur?lol but its worth it for u mum!missing a few meals to pay for yor cake was more than worth it mum!thanks for taking care of mi for so long!enjoy yor day!=D

2007-06-20T19:45:00.000+08:00

its too impotant to mi...more impt than many other things...widout it...i find it hard to get on by...its d onli place where i find my happiness,reflect or find hope in life...it all belongs there...it jus seems lilke i carn look forward to future...its in d memories where i can find all of them...widout memories...i guess...im find no meaning in life...n im losing them...damn

2007-06-19T00:25:00.000+08:00

simple day=====>depressing day....''i carn wait for d day that we seperate''or sth like that...i understood d meaning...god...n its all my fault...i pulled her into it...im sorry...all said in fury after i accidentally knockedover aglass container filled wif nuts n he didnt even noticed i cut my leg due to d glass...

2007-06-19T00:11:00.000+08:00

4 days on d job...first day parliament hse jus serving drinks on collecting plates...2nd day,bar man for a wedding on05/06/07 nice date?3rd day was a disaster got my own table to take care of in a doctor's wedding...all attitude givers...lawyers and doctors...well...at least d couples were nice...n lovey...lol mushy script...sang songs too...4th day...vivo city!for some movie to thank blood doners that have donated 50 times!o well...fist time at vivo...on d job...that's d last day...guess it will be o levels be4 i resume...made a few frens,all shocked wn i told them im 16 they thot i was 19 or sth...m i that old?!

2007-06-05T03:29:00.000+08:00

been so long since ive been here...took half an hour be4 i can log in here!forgot everything!!!eva since tt sports carnival where i knocked my head(push ball!lol)...my memory seems to be failing mi...well it used to fail mi now even more!even more sotong n blur now!

was workin ystd...waiter at my mum's workin place....goodwoodpark hotel...i noe u guys sure nv heard of it...lol...$5.50/hr on wekdays n $6/hr on weekends...was weekend ystd so...7 hours on d job!my first day too!reached there...my mum jus ask her colleague to bring mi to d waiting place to get changed to uniform...no other info...until some lady i her older age...(d onli 1 tt kept talking to mi)asked mi if i punched my card(is tt d correct word?)i said no..n she say argh!go puch now if not every minute dock 10 cents!so we hurried over n wen i finally punched d card i got docked $1!lol nvm...still got to minus half an hour worth of pay!for dinner break...sigh...at d end of d day at 11 plus...wen i wen to collect d pay wid d others...onli got $38 bucks...lol...for serving drinks n clearing plates at d parliament hse!so many high ranking police!from all ASEAN countries...o well...workin again on tues...i sure have to get used to tis...d back of my legs blisters!lol...a small price to pay....o well looking forward to tues...jus tt dun really hve frens there...actually i hardly even talked there...lol...every1 like older than mi...safe 1 or 2...many china ppl too!there tis guy hu asked to be ti gurl's fren n her number too...but o well...ladyluck wasnt on his side...laughter n shaking of d head side to side was her reply...o well...better luck nex time...ISILWM!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-04-06T16:31:00.000+08:00

i really hate to post things t arnt wad my blog's genre suppose to be...but its part of my everydays' happenings...so sorry guys...i know u guys say im losing it...losing my old self,changing to some1 else,moody,less of a smile these days...well...im not gonna disappoint u guys any further!i'll make sure u will see d old sebby in no time!cheers!=)

2007-04-06T16:23:00.000+08:00

no roads...no matter how straight they seem to be,are eva straight...they r filled wid curves n jags...sometimes d road or path we choose onli leads 1 way,or maybe even crossroads...but if its eva a straight 1...dun expect it to be 4eva a straight 1...u might even meet wid bumps or even hills!wads yor road like?isit filled wid many exits?or isit a straight path?or isit like mine?a road wid many paths,but d onlil exit is at d end...it jus seem so...far away...wadeva it is...choose yor paths wisely!

2007-04-06T16:20:00.000+08:00

somedays ago....it seems to be arguments day....everyday damn day arguing here n there....whereeva i go also arguments...even for mi...home isnt wad it used to be anymore...n its cuz i destroyed it...imagined being condemned by yor own dad!?

2007-03-27T19:36:00.000+08:00

chinese mock exam today...after tt funeral drive thru where we stood on d 2 sides of d roads at attention to see d drive thru of d late father...bless his soul...rest in peace father...mock exam quite okay....moderate...hmm...if its really thru bout wad ive done...then i guess i mus not do it anymore if it makes things worst...will heed yor advices..thx a lot!

2007-03-27T19:34:00.000+08:00

if u like sayin bad things,gossip bout ppl then say in front of them!tell them straight in d face!tell mi straight in d face!dun need to say mi behind ppl~!n plz get yor facts rite before u say bout ppl...its like telling TALL tales...

2007-03-27T19:33:00.000+08:00

alamak...i better dun go near u already...later create more trouble for u again...i will continue wad we agreeed on...wish u all d best in wad u wan to happen!

2007-03-27T19:31:00.000+08:00

captains ball...inter hse games...yeh!we won...d other hses also,congrats!every1 is winners!jus too bad my name is not inside d team i played in....

2007-03-07T21:10:00.000+08:00

if growing up means losing it...then i rather choo...
if growing up means losing it...then i rather choose not to grow up...lost it....bing grown up is like fucked up if i lose it...carn even make u happy or laugh cuz ive lost it...been failing in everything...not d first time ive said tis....but its back again...fucking hate it...wads home wen u go home n got scolded everyday...wads home wen u go home wid yor dad looking at u wid d face of how much he hates u...failed in studies,failed in gaining my dignity...ive lost pride...behaving like a servant now...wad u wan mi to do i will do...like im dependant on ppl already...im not tis kinda person...but ive jus lost it...d will...its gone...like 1 teacher eva said...ive lost d fire...n true were those words of hers...made things worst carn bring joy,instead bring more trouble...friday...it will start...after ptm...it will start again...all tis...becuz of mi...ive not worked hard,n studies...tts all my parents wans...gd results...n yet i carn give them...failed as a son...they r rite...im not stupi or retarded...i jus didnt work hard...now he calls mi rubbish...gonna lose everything i tried hard for...jus fucked up...carn even make u laugh!wad the fuck m i?!really fucking rubbish...every1 is rite...its all my fault...dunno wads goin on...i dun deserve anything...nothing at all!

2007-03-07T20:21:00.000+08:00

6 march my birthday!1 of d best birthsdays in my life!first time i had ppl celebrating it,got 3 cakes!thx to 4 diligence,sec 3s,n sec1s!love u guys!omg...d presents....argh!a power ranger mask can accept,barbie doll,almost carn alreay...but panties wid barbie doll pictures on it!argh!but thx anyway guts for d surprise n for being there!

2007-02-11T21:52:00.000+08:00

BROKEN

times come n go
n takes it all away in d end
times give u wad u want
n changes it to wad u wun want

it makes u do stupid things
makes u look sillier than eva
it makes u do things tt u might regret
makes u do things tt u might not regret

changes u to a different person
takes away some things
changes ur charactor
gives u some things

takes away all joy
yet gives u another kind of joy
takes away all pain
yet gives u another kind of pain

creates opportunities
gives more troubles
creates problems
gives more misery

more miserable wid each passing day
more mistakes made
more further away wid each passing day
more...painful....

feelin like tt everyday
feelin worst n worst
its makin mi lose hope
its mkain mi....broken

2007-02-08T12:30:00.000+08:00

lol....im in class now...using the com!!!!!!no time to use it at home...so....ya....physics test....bad!!!!

2007-02-08T12:29:00.000+08:00

sigh....so many things have through my mind...jus waiting for d rite....to come by....should i?should i not?wad should i do???wad choices do i have left???hmm....i guess...i have none left...even so many ppl said it...maybe i should follow wad they say hur?sigh...

2007-02-08T12:23:00.000+08:00

2007-01-20T03:39:00.000+08:00

rumors...nv believe them unless they r comfirmed by d person bein rumored about!AAAARRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!n plz dun spread them!!!!!!frenships might be broken!

2007-01-20T03:31:00.000+08:00

ngee ann poly...waoh...wanna go d aerospace engineering course!but 12!!!!!!which means all subjects like A2?!we..still dun wanna go tis poly kinda far...taufic was there wid daphne...all looked so thin...stress?wen prussiking...wow...wid tight pants n hanging for so long...pulling mself up...very painful...damn harness...lol...well...experience...

''sorry...r u a mixed?''was wad some1 said after knocking into mi...hm...kinda wierd hur?another person was even more shocked wen i replied back in chinese...do i really look like an ABC?

2007-01-16T02:27:00.000+08:00

back to blogging finally...seems like its not gonna be happy ones...scoldings been comin in from everywhere everyday...now even sch...well...its all my fault...parents scold,teacher scold,everybody scold...
really dun mind bein scolded...jus tt mi makin ppl angry or upset is wad i hate most...jus carn stop doin wrong things or so i thot...wonder hows it like to lead a peaceful life...im sure it will be fun...jus wondering wen it will come...its all my fault

2007-01-16T02:17:00.000+08:00

sorry every1,for causin u all to get scolded n losing yor notes...really veh sorry...

2006-11-27T20:39:00.000+08:00

hmm...finally...been so long since my family wen out to eat together...well almost d whole family...wen to jumbo seafood restaurant for dinner...well...was quite okay...xcept tt all of us wasnt full!lol...wen to chom chom(not sure how to spell it),but onli my dad bought sth to eat...

wen to paramount restaurant d nex day for lunch...damn angry!!!had to miss guitar lessons!damn!well...here was better...had d buffet kind...hahaha was d best eater!ate d most...waoh...all of us were like gonna burst any sec!well...i could still eat...but...buffet time over...damn i still wan to go guitar lessons!!!!!!!!!ill rather go there then eat!!!!!!omg...my stomach had lots of work to do...cuz nex few hours...wen for dinner,dunno wads it called d 1 u have before weddings...well steamboat...ate a few mouths onli...

well...every1 was playing mahjong...so i observed d fishes...omg...there were 2 fishes tt kept kissing each other!!!!!!!!yes KISSING!!!!!!!omg...1 hour+++they kept kissing...well i guessed they were tired after tt...cuz they stopped later on...well there was also d other fishes trying to kiss each other,but their partner kept swimming away...guessed they got smelly breath...well....fishes kissing on d lips...waoh....o well.....lol

slept on d couch while waiting...jus in case...but i guess...nvm...well...wke up early...dunno y...well...my mind was so blank!even now as im typing tis...waoh...maybe a little more thots,but still quite blank!hope tis doesnt continue...

2006-11-27T20:26:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey!back to blogging!been so long...waoh...so much has happened eva since...

ncc camp!omg...big thx to every1 for their effort in tis camp...maybe not camp...well 3 single day activities in a row...especially to clement n zheng yang...to all d S4s S1s PSs seniors...omg...didnt wash my uniform for 4 days!3 days thx to d camp,n d last day thx to live firing competition!''camp'' was quite okay...darn strict wid them...though i wasnt so strict...tonnes of push-ups!omg...hahaha my pt!every1 all got cramps!lol...including mi!waoh...even had to make an agreement wid them...''they do 1 ranger jump,i do 3!''lol...well at least they did!more cramps for mi...lol...well it was worth it!at least every1 passed their tests...well...anyway...congrats to all d new coporals n lance coporals!gd job!but rmb...d rank is onli a piece of cloth!wad matters more is if u behave n act like 1!

water bomb was fun though after tt we had a water bomb fight...lol we all lost control...well it was fun till...some part b burst a water bomb on our sitting senior...which was funny,xcept tt his ipod,hp n wallet were beside him,n all wet...more push -ups....

really sorry guys...i didnt put in much effort to d ''camp'''couldnt go to many meetings...well...our unit has won sth first time in 5 years!or isit 4?well a 9th place in live firing competion...though...well...its d least i could do!its dedicated to d unit!

2006-11-15T22:28:00.000+08:00

13 nov...YYYYIIIPPEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!darn HHAAAAPPPPPPYYYYYYYY on tis day!!!hahaha...lalala...gonna rmb tis day for d rest of my life!!!

had d service learning course...wow...had tonnes of fun...n wen did i become mao mao chong!?mao mao tui seemed bad enough...bad chong(worm)!?nvm...hahaha...helped d team won d longest flying plane record!folded d plane n still have it!guys...u did a really great job!u guys rock!though a little quiet at first...but warmed up after a while...o well...

went to d chalet after d course...waoh...bbq all night long...omg...hu ate my chic n satay!lol...well cooked again...was damn late wen i finally ate...had tonees of fun...jus ny fanning d fire..lol...hmm...after tt...omg!...20 bucks!jus for 4 bottles!drank d wine shared some of it...had more than 2 bottles...dunno y started feeling sad...waoh...i didnt noe i could hold,but feellings...bad...couldnt tink well...o yar...''it takes bout 12 secs for a person to fully register wad we r saying''...lol...after drinking...i tink 12 mins!waoh...ming hui...hope nothing happened to u after u drank my other bottle...so red!omg...hope no1 noticed...o well...had a headache...slept so well...maybe not so well...nvm...

2006-11-15T22:27:00.000+08:00

2006-11-15T22:14:00.000+08:00

2006-11-11T22:19:00.000+08:00

damn unlucky...my aunt saw it...then say mus tell my dad...now deleting lots of it...jus in case...regrets...kept those massages...valuble ones...now...have to delete...sigh...its okay...bout tis...but i really hope wun pull d person down...tts wads more impt...

2006-11-06T23:18:00.000+08:00

wierd dreams...seemed so true...its even on d event tt is gona happen!n well...part of it came true...was late a little...but not like d dream...late very long...

felt sth was wrong...it didnt feel rite...i alwaes noe tis feelling to be true...but...i really dun wan it to be...but it cannot be controled...it isnt mine...

had service learning refresher today...woah...really missed having fun...learnt some new stuff...very refreshed...n thankfully...tis activities took away tis feeling for awhile...hmm...really enjoyed it...

2006-11-03T23:19:00.000+08:00

realise i have...jus too late...

to every1 out there...dun be afraid to show to say,to render...give help to those ppl in need,give thx for everything tt u have...give love to ppl around u...give hope to those hu have lost it...give joy to those hu r sad...give everything tt u have to offer...bring happiness to those around u...take away unhappiness,despair,from those hu have...say ur sorry to those whom u have hurt,n really mean it,say thank u to those tt give to u...say u love them to ur loved ones...help yorself...by helping others...gain happiness by giving them...believe n u will get...trust n u will see...

time is short...too short...every moment is more precious than anything in tis world...treasure them...treasure every1 no matter how bad they r...do wad u have ,should,mus,wan to do...gd things.........stay happy...alwaes...

2006-10-25T20:56:00.000+08:00

today got fire drill...6 mins!nvm...also got live firing!since d last time,due to d rain,we didnt shoot...lucky nv rain again...waoh...firing seems so cool!though shoulder a lilttle red from d shooting...but its really great experience...after d shooting...same routine again...checkin for empty cartridges...half of us had metal detecter checks tis time,tink mus be due to d time...d last time,every1 of us had to be checked with it...said d oath n all....nvm...

m i suppose to be feeling lucky?or unlucky?how could he miss it?!but is it suppose to be lucky tt he missed it?omg...omg...wad m i gonna do!?tink i should be feelin both lucky n unlucky already...i really didnt meant to do it!i didnt even noe it was with mi!o dear...how!?how!?

2006-10-25T20:53:00.000+08:00

waoh...jus a few hours...n im starting to miss u already...carn wait for fri...cuz tts wen u will be back!enjoy yorself there!

2006-10-22T22:41:00.000+08:00

hadnt bath for 2 days already!feels really great to sweat wen i was bare-topped at a friend's hse painting...n i enjoyed it?dunno y i enjoy doin things...hands on stuff...n i loveeeeeee it!especially makin things!my friend's 2 month old kitten...wow...was thirsty...well i didnt noe at first...i thot it was toilet-trained as it wen to d toilet...onli to noe tt she wen inside d toilet bowl n starteed lappin at d water...ewww...o well...2 month old...wen we were 2 month old we did silly things too rite?

loveee cats!really love them...love dogs too!well prefer cats to them...mus be d long exposure i had since young...aiya...i love animals!im a animal lover!jus too bad i dun have a animal companion myself...

goin back to sch tml...really starting to miss it...all d holidays n mcs...prefer to stay at sch than at home...there is where i feel more at ''home''!o well jus have to wait another...7 hrs 45 min more?alrite gtg...take care out there people=D

2006-10-22T22:26:00.000+08:00

yesterday was Deepavali...it was also my great-grandmother's 90th birthday!no shes not indian...

wen to my grandmother hse where it was celebrated...wow...cousins can sure be irritating sometimes...was playin games with them...ask them to shoot then shoot,but they alwaes like to shoot for no reason...even resulting in mi blowing myself up!but they can still be cute...sigh...their smile on their faces wen the irritated mi kept mi from being angry...it was so natural,so...pure n full of happiness...carn bare to wipe their smiles off their faces can i?so i continued letting them do their thing...which resulted in mi restarting the same mission for...lets see....50 times?nvm...it was worth it...helped out in d preparations...there were mahjong sessions...well adults onli...n d food!jus too bad they wun veri nice...but well...i eat to live,not live to eat!

was feelin a little out of place...no teenagers ard...luckily,ni really appreciate my phones company,or shall i say d person on d other side...hope i didnt waste too much of yor message!

at night...watched channel u...LOL...hu eva watched it d 1 at 11.30,will noe y im laughing...u too...lol...thx for telling mi to watch it...really needed some laughing=D

slept on d sofa tt night...small n uncomfortable...i tink i sprained my neck from slping on it...o well....

2006-10-21T13:48:00.000+08:00

came back from sch on mon,began to feel nausea...then the waves came...wow...u wouldnt like it...back for ppl hu wan to lose weight fast...tis is d method...dun go try it!it bad!10 20...uncountable times...until i was cramps in d stomach...really hated it...couldnt slp at all...got an injection to supposedly stop d vomiting,but well didnt work much...was diagnosed with gastrical flu,d one tt lots of students was having...''how did i get it?n where!?''i dunno...tried to go to sch but couldnt,was too weak to even move,didnt eat till thurs...2 day...lucky im used to missin meals...

went back to sch on wed,was still a little unwell...wow...d teachers...miss kok n mrs ang...though u might alwaes see them scolding here n there,but they can be caring too...but a little too much!asked bout 10 times if i wanted to go home?!went for ncc training later on tt dayalmost vomited again...had soc(standard obstacle course),n i was in charge?waoh d wall n rabbit hop,n leopard crawl...used to be alrite for mi...(used to it)but thx to d sickness....was so tired...well at least we accomplished our goal...train d cadets(onli got 1 part b!?n d rest is part a)n made them real tired...

2006-10-21T13:29:00.000+08:00

18 sept...31days since then...thot it might seem impossible to be able to see her name appear in my phone anymore...but....waoh!!!a twist of events!!!was feelin so sick...came back feom d doctor again...n wen i checked my phone...woah!i couldnt believe my eyes!!!it was her!!!tts gotta be d haooiest,opps,i mean happiest news ive gotten since my results n sickness came!!!

ive got so much i wan to ask or say...but...im jus not a person hu ask a lot or speak a lot...onli wen ppl ask or talk bout it...then i can talk much....damn...wan to chat with her,but dunno how to start!so si bai...need lessons on how to carry on a converstaion already!

2006-10-16T19:37:00.000+08:00

29 days...29...sigh...been so long since tt fateful day...i...i...sorry

2006-10-16T19:23:00.000+08:00

exams r over...but life jus still seems d same...or even worst...tryin to occupy myself wid things to do...to try to run away,but i jus carn hide...cuz its in mi...tryin to do wad i said i would do to help u...im still tryin...

try to keep myself happy n smiling...but wen no1 is around...it all comes back...if i could keep at tis for a longer time,then im sure i would be able to do wad i said i would do,though...my heart...no more tis kinda talk,u wouldnt believe anyway...wishin i didnt have to anything tt had made u lidat...regrets?too late isnt it?

im dumb...relly dumb isnt it?tryed to express myself but ended up losing trust...try not to express myself,jus like an empty shell...

trust...sigh...d 1 thing tt every1 take so lightly,but its importance...unmeasurable...

2006-10-11T03:00:00.000+08:00

today was supposedly gonna be a gd day for mi...movies...but it was cancelled...i onli knew wen i asked bout it...waoh...its okay...1 of d few rare occasions wen im allowed to go out...now?sigh...not blamin any1 really...jus really thot i could have some fun finally,but...was stuck at home reading story bk n watching movies...on tv...got a horror movie...hmm...nc 16...well its jus scary?nothing much...but anyway thx a lot guys for at least askin if i wanna go for movies...well its d thots tt counts...

end of exams means a few things for mi...hsework,lots of kopi kia duties,etc...n holidays!i hate them!

2006-10-07T21:26:00.000+08:00

seein is believing?dun eva believe tt...eva...cuz wad u see might nv be d truth...still...there might be some grain of truth in it...sometimes wen u feel tt answers r rite in front of yor eyes,they might not be true...behind every truth there is a even deeper truth...n sometimes knowin d deeper truth behind d truth is better,n many misunderstandings can be avoided...investigate deeper,find out all d facts be4 u place any judgements on wad u have seen...understand d situation,d history...cuz everything tt u see is interlinked with each other...certain things happen for a reason,or maybe cuz of an accident...

misunderstandings happen very commonly,as usually wad we see is d truth...tt is y believes,trust,etc,r all very impt...wad u see...have u thot over it with all other factors relatin to it?

bein blind is d best...we carn see...so we have to depend on other senses,n even new senses,which we hardly use now come into action...we listen we our ears,but do we listen with hearts too?no matter or gd an actor is,we still can hear if they r tellin d truth or they r lying...all we have to do is liten with our heart,our brain is also there 4 a reason,to reason out with wad we have seen or heard...touch can also be used to ''see''d truth,xcept it si by feeling...we can also feel with our hearts...we can feel how much or wad d person is feelin...

our senses,our heart,our brains r there 4 a reason...use them wisely n with gd effect,for they can help u in many different ways,to make tis sense''feelin''come to life...tis is wen u start to treasure things,treasure times,memories,where...peace can be found...

we use d sense of sight too often already,but try bein blind for a while...d startin will be difficult,but cuz of these,the sense of''feelin''comes bout,n even without seein,we can find our direction...tis feelin differs in many ways...like knowing tis difigured person is yor family member,or some1 u have never seen for so long,u will still have a feelin tt u know tis person,a sense of belonging whether isit to home,sch,or else where,etc...too many ways...we hardly use it...onli wen we lose something like our sense of sight will be surface...it is alwaes there...jus tt we want to use it or not...or shall i say whether we allow it to come into our lives or not...

so start feelin everything now,treasure everything,every minute every second of yor life...see with feelin n u will get the deeper truth out of things...n so on so forth...for every misunderstanding made...frenships,relationships,family ties,anything,might be broken,with d chance of bein able to patch up again...

2006-10-05T20:11:00.000+08:00

tonite...it will all come out...everything...jus hope i can take it...n tml...a new person i will be...i hope...

2006-09-27T21:05:00.000+08:00

cuzing too much trouble for lots of ppl...i dun want to,but i jus carn stop cuzing trouble for them...i open my mouth,not hurt some1,is send d wrong message or even kena suan...i go any action,hurt some1,either too rough or i dunno....i jus do d wrong things all d time!maybe its time to be zi bi,ya lidat wun hurt ppl wid my words anymore,or wid my actions...

2006-09-27T21:03:00.000+08:00

my fault again

2006-09-26T21:30:00.000+08:00

wad really matters?is there no other way?